The Three Decisions That Shape Our Lives
According to Tony, we make three critical decisions that determine our emotional state and actions:
- What we focus on
- What meaning we give it
- What action we take based on that meaning
Tony’s difficult childhood—with four different fathers, extreme poverty, and a mother who became violent when mixing alcohol with prescription drugs—could have broken him. Instead, it forced him to become a “practical psychologist,” learning to manage his mother’s moods and emotions. This painful experience became the foundation for his future work.
At 17, Tony attended a seminar by Jim Rohn that changed his life. Despite earning only $42.50 a week, he invested a full week’s pay ($35) to attend. Rohn taught him that “for things to change, you’ve got to change” and that success comes from “adding more value to other people’s lives than anybody else.
Patterns of Success and Transformation
After working for Jim Rohn, I began studying patterns in history, finance, and business growth. I discovered that changing someone’s physiology—how they stand, breathe, and speak—can transform their biochemistry and emotional state. This insight led me to develop techniques that could help people overcome depression and phobias quickly and permanently.
These skills enabled me to work with Olympic athletes, world leaders such as Nelson Mandela and Mother Teresa, and even President Bill Clinton. I’ve built 114 companies generating $9 billion in business across various industries—all without traditional education, but by learning from the best and applying those lessons.
The combination of my early experiences, Jim Rohn’s wisdom about adding value, and the skills I’ve developed has all contributed to my success. But I often wonder: Would I work this hard to feed 100 million meals if I had been well-fed as a child?
Your Biography Is Not Your Destiny
Tony’s most powerful message is that our past doesn’t determine our future. The key is learning to use what happened to you rather than being used by it. The meaning we give to our experiences shapes everything that follows.
When faced with challenges, we can choose to focus on what’s missing or what’s present. We can interpret events as proof that “no one cares” or as evidence that “strangers care.” These meanings create emotions that drive our actions and ultimately determine our life path.
By understanding these patterns and consciously choosing more empowering meanings, we can transform our lives just as Tony did. Our biography provides the raw material, but we decide what to build with it.
Frequently Asked Questions
Q: How did Tony Robbins overcome his difficult childhood?
Tony transformed his challenging upbringing by becoming a “practical psychologist” at an early age. He learned to manage his mother’s moods and emotions, skills that he later applied professionally. Rather than letting his past define him, he used those experiences as motivation to help others and create a different future for himself.
Q: What was the key insight Tony gained from Jim Rohn?
Jim Rohn taught Tony that success comes from adding more value to other people’s lives than anyone else in your field. He explained that marketplace inequality exists because people contribute different levels of value, take different risks, and produce different results. This perspective shifted Tony’s thinking from seeing success as “unfair” to understanding it as the result of specific patterns and behaviors.
Q: How does Tony’s approach to emotional transformation work?
Tony’s approach focuses on changing physiology to alter emotional states. By adjusting how someone stands, breathes, moves, and speaks, he can create immediate shifts in their biochemistry and emotional experience. This physical change, combined with new mental patterns and perspectives, creates a lasting transformation that helps people overcome issues like depression and phobias.
Q: What does Tony mean by “your biography is not your destiny”?
Tony believes that past experiences don’t determine future outcomes. While our personal history shapes us, we have the power to choose how we interpret and use those experiences. The key is learning to use what happened to you rather than being used by it. This mindset allows people to transform difficult past experiences into fuel for growth and positive change.
Q: How can I apply Tony’s three decisions framework to my own life?
Start by becoming aware of what you habitually focus on during challenging situations. Then, examine the meanings you assign to events—are they empowering or limiting? Finally, notice how these meanings drive your actions. By consciously shifting your focus to more constructive aspects of situations and choosing more empowering interpretations, you can change your emotional states and take more effective actions.
