Yes, it happens. At some point, the sex you enjoyed in your younger years simply fades away. First it becomes less robust, then less frequent, and eventually your libido goes into hibernation for the long winter that is the rest of your life — or so it seems.
We proffer a plethora of excuses for why our sex life goes MIA — stress, physical exhaustion, hormonal changes that accompany aging — but the sad and hideous truth remains that many of us just reach the point where we actually prefer to diddle with our cell phones instead of our partners in bed.
I’m here to make the case that sex is good for you. It is so good, in fact, that if everyone could just have more of it, we’d probably be looking at world peace — or, at very least, lower blood pressure. But I’ll be the first to admit: It can be hard to jumpstart a physical relationship that has been dormant for years. Here are some tips to do precisely that.
1. Let modern medicine help
Yes, we know that every drug has some side effects. I’d counter with so does not having sex.
Men may need an assist from a prescription drug like Cialis or Viagra to treat erectile dysfunction, but women also need to own up to their thinning vaginal tissues. Without toughening up those babies, sexual penetration is going to feel like a million tiny paper cuts — maybe not even that good.
A prescription of Estrace or Premarin cream can work wonders to treat vaginal atrophy. In all cases, it starts with a visit to your doctor to see what will aid the mission safely. Do this about a month out to allow for optimum results. A shortcut taken in the physical preparedness area can result in discouraging outcome.
Oh, and an active sex life may not come cheap. Traditional Medicare (Parts A and B) won’t pay for the meds you might need. Medicare Part D, the program that covers prescription drugs, may — but that varies from plan to plan. Your best bet may be to look into prescription discount cards affiliated with pharmacies. And always ask your doctor for free samples.
2. Bring on the toys
Sex toys have grown up since you last checked them out, which if you are of a certain age, may have been never. Much to what I suspect is the delight of my UPS delivery guy, they don’t even all come in discreet brown boxes any more.
Start by visiting various sex toy websites as a couple, which is a way better use of your cell phone in bed than playing Solitaire. And yes, by all means, order whatever appeals.
3. Do what you do to relax, but do more to rev up your engine
Relaxation aids can be found in many forms. Hot baths, wine, weed where it’s legal. Personally speaking, all that does is put me to sleep, which isn’t exactly the goal here. When restarting a sex life, err on the wild(er) side.
Can we all just agree that when it comes to great sex, naughty generally trumps nice? Aim to spice things up. Leave the panties home when you go out to a romantic restaurant for dinner and trust me, nobody will want to order dessert. Or drive separately and “meet” for drinks. Book a hotel room at the last minute and check in sans luggage.
4. Make each other the main course
In all our rushing around and living life at break-neck speeds, we lose sight of our priorities. And for the purpose of reconnecting with our absent sex lives, those priorities are one another.
Pay attention to the details of what matters to you and your partner. I know a woman who can’t enjoy sex if the sheets aren’t freshly washed — and always puts a towel down to ensure they stay that way. She raised four sons and did what she calls “a lifetime of man-laundry” and isn’t eager to do more.
Another friend is a lights-out-or-forget-about-it diehard. She says a lit room messes with her ability to imagine sex as she knew it decades ago. Morning sex? Another friend questions whether it is even physically possible to have spontaneous sex in the morning without first having a chance to pee.
5. Just do it
The bottom line: If you’ve read this far, it means you’re thinking about it. That’s a good first step.
Now take the second one.