Molly Jong-Fast’s new memoir, “How to Lose Your Mother”, offers a raw and honest look at her famous mother Erica Jong’s decline into dementia. The book is both a loving tribute and a candid exploration of the complexities of being the daughter of a cultural icon. Since childhood, Molly has struggled with feeling like two versions of herself exist: her real self and the literary doppelgänger that frequently appeared in her mother’s memoirs and novels.
Strangers would know intimate details about her life, confirming her fears that her private experiences had been repurposed for her mother’s writing. Erica Jong rose to fame in 1973 with her debut novel “Fear of Flying”, which sold over 20 million copies. She was praised for her bold depictions of women’s sexual desires at a time when such topics were still taboo.
However, Erica’s uninhibited nature extended beyond her books. She often incorporated personal details about those around her, especially Molly, into her works. Molly admits that writing so honestly about her mother, now 83 and suffering from dementia, feels like a “huge betrayal.” Yet she sees it as a way of honoring Erica too.
Memoir captures mother’s decline
The real heart of the memoir is Molly’s attempt to come to terms with her mother’s illness and her new role as caretaker. Despite the challenges, Molly remains committed to being her own person.
“I am sober and sort of sane and not my mother,” she writes. The book aims to explore the unique struggles of Generation X in midlife. Molly hopes her story will resonate with others facing similar situations.
Looking back, Molly emphasizes the positive aspects of her upbringing as well, especially her mother’s unwavering support and belief in her. As for her own children writing about their lives, Molly would encourage it, embracing her family’s literary tradition. “How to Lose Your Mother” is an unflinching account of a complicated mother-daughter bond and a daughter’s journey to redefine herself even as she loses the woman who shaped her.
The memoir is available now.
